TEN REASONS FRANK BECKWITH BECAME A ROMAN CATHOLIC

As you have heard by now, Frank Beckwith, Associate Professor of Philosophy at Baylor University and unto recently, President of the Evangelical Theological Society (ETS), has been officially accepted back into membership of the Roman Catholic Church. News of his conversion to Rome shocked evangelicals throughout North America and caused them to ask, “Why would Beckwith switch from Baptist to Catholic?” The opinions have varied among internet bloggers. Finally, Beckwith came out with the “official” story. But is that the true story?

In the spirit of David Letterman, we offer ten alternative reasons for his return to Rome. We start with the least plausible (Reason #10) and move to the most convincing (Reason #1). If you have other explanations, please feel free to respond.

Ten Reasons why Frank Beckwith Became a Catholic:

Reason #10 – Old habits never die: Frank couldn’t find a Baptist church where he could play Bingo.

Reason #9 – Health reasons: Frank found all the genuflection in the liturgy quite reinvigorating. He plans to drop 10 pounds easy in his first year of Masses.

Reason #8 – Economics: Since the Catholic Church does not require a tithe; Frank will boost his annual income by 7% .

Reason #7 – To ease his conscience: As a Catholic he can now drink “fermented” communion wine without scrutiny.

Reason #6 – His love for seafood: Frank missed the Friday fish dinners at the local Catholic Church.

Reason #5 – To mastermind a coup: Frank hopes his move to Rome, while maintaining his membership in ETS, will inspire Roman Catholics to join and take over ETS.

Reason # 4 – His emotional stability: The trauma of putting together the 2006 national ETS led to a complete mental breakdown and this irrational behavior.

Reason # 3 – Altruism: In the spirit of brotherly love, Frank wanted to provide Norm Geisler with a subject for a new book project.

Reason #2 – A Damascus Road experience: While listening to last year’s Presidential speech by Ed Yamauchi, Frank fell into a trance and had a vision of the Pope calling him back home to Rome.

Reason #1 – Conspiracy: Frank never really left the Catholic Church, but was actually a Jesuit priest spying on evangelicals for Rome. The forthcoming Chick tract will tell the whole story.